Dreamcatchers Hosted by Jerome Myers

The Ultimate Sacrifice- Greg Washington

May 13, 2021 Jerome Myers
Dreamcatchers Hosted by Jerome Myers
The Ultimate Sacrifice- Greg Washington
Show Notes Transcript
In this episode Greg discusses why he gave up on his dream of being in the NFL, gives us tools for dealing with grief, explains why failure often starts out as a “good time,” that money is a force multiplier, and touches on how suicide doesn’t ever solve the problem.Find out more at www.dreamsshouldbereal.comFind out more about real estate apartment/multi-family investing with Jerome Myers at www.d3v3loping.com or www.myersmethods.com

Greg Washington:   0:00
I didn't want to go into the NFL. I wanted to go into the Army. And so I passed on the NFL and I went on to my duty station. Some unfortunate things happened while I was deployed on while I was in the Army. My two best friends were killed in action. Emily. She was a medical corps officer. Like I said, the first black female highest ranking feed my latte West Point. She was trying to be a general, and she was on a mission with a medical unit where they were bringing supplies then to a unit that recently been hit and needed supplies. Bad news on the way to the objective. Her unit was ambushed, and she essentially died from a idee. Within that first year of us graduating from West Point, that was rough. Imagine you spent 45 years training sacrificing your youth, the sons and daughters in the harm's way. And in that first year, you give the ultimate sacrifice. And that's what she did, is so her story headlight, I'll see affected the people around her while she was here, has such a great impact that it's been

Jerome Myers:   1:16
inspiring me to tell her stories. Wait, thanks all for tuning into dream catchers where we make things happen. Dream Catchers was formally launched to unlock the hidden potential and successful, self motivated individuals who desired to take their life's work to the next level but needs support. So evolved we are a collective group of professionals with various backgrounds that use our talents to assist those individuals and realize in their wildest dreams by providing education, inspiration and direction. This five cast is where we share the lessons we've learned along the way to catching our dreams and give you some context around the high and the wide to each approach to put you further ahead on the journey to catching your dream. Are you ready? I'm extremely excited about a guest this evening. I've known him since we were in high school, and he's been like the Big Brother have always wanted recently got thing out with him for New Year's Eve and just really had a heart to heart over New Year's Eve New Year's Day. Something's recently happened, and I just thought it was really appropriate time to bring my good friend Greg Washington to the tribe to share some of the experiences he's had over the past 10 or 15 years and how he's dealt with some of those issues so that Greg was to take the mic and take us on this journey, man.

Greg Washington:   3:06
All right, well, you, um I appreciate you for give me the opportunity to be here. Good evening, everyone. All right, I understand that there are all types of the people on this call, all types of people, new business owner, old business owners, people looking for motivation and inspiration. And you just got over your folks, you know, the talk to of when Jerome and I talk over New Year's. You know, we talked about a couple of things most of the time when I bring in the New year, normally bring it alone. And that's for a couple of reasons. I guess I step back for a second and kind of introduce myself. My name is Greg Washington. I am originally from Fayetteville, North Carolina, my graduate from the United States Military Academy. And I was a infantry officer. I'm a former infantry officer. I've been deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq, got hurt, got out, had to figure out what I was going to do with my life. Once I got out, I ended up working for shell oil and Gas and got my MBA and decided that I wanted to be a entrepreneur. And so I started down the road of dealing with finances and just trying to be defined. So I started up a company called TFT Financial Service is the company that I started. My business partner is actually my son. Step Dad. We have a very unique and dynamic relationship. The company is called T F P, which stands for two fathers providing we want it to be more than just what people stereotype. Plus, being angry black years, I wanted our family to know that one being a blended family, that we could make this thing work, that you've got two men stepping up to the table that love and care for our family as a whole in I want to make sure you know the well being is there and that we provide the right leadership fortune in also thinks the example that whatever you put your mind to it, you can achieve, So that kind of brings us up to now. I have a passion for growing cannabis, which I believe in the medical aspects of it versus the recreational. So I know there may be some folks on the call you know, who have, you know, a difference of opinions. But it is a lot of healing properties just in Canada alone. So that's kind of my background from a business standpoint and where I come from tonight's topic. What I wanted to talk about, which leads back Thio New Year's which what means your own? That kind of started to briefly touched on the challenges around dealing with grease, right? And so that's the initial topic. But this bleeds into, you know, personal life's. This leaves into business as well, and some of the takeaways you know, you'll be able to apply it into your everyday life. And it's one of those where I like having something tangible to be able to walk away with. You say, you know, this is in my tool kit, and this is how I can make it work for I was asking Jerome if this could be interactive, because I'm quite sure we're all different ages that comes from all this all walks of life, So I'm pretty sure everybody has a story to tell a share about, You know, their Dylan's agrees with failure with all here, mine with you. Like I said, I graduated in the United States Military Academy at the age of 17 18. I decided that I wanted to serve my country in a way that, you know, not most are afforded that opportunity. I wanted to be an officer in the Army, and so I went to West Point West. Point is a military academy in upstate New York, and you spend four years of your life dedicated to pretty much learning your craft. For me, that was that was being an infantry officer. So, you know, I was on lock down the 1st 2 years. You know, you get one weekend passed a year, so we pretty much focused on football school in military training. And so you spend a day in and day out with their classmates, all dedicated to the same things of training. So for me in my class, we are the true class of 9 11 because my freshman year is when 9 11 happened, and we all remember that when we heard on the news and on the radio because West Point military base, of course, we got the alert and the base shut down and went into this whole defense mode versus being a school environment. And so I remember being that class and seeing my classmates, the fear in their eyes, the worry. The wonder, though. What ISS What's gonna happen to us now? It was terrifying. It was frightening. We got released from class. You know, my mom. She instantly called me and was like, You know, son, are you ready to come home? And I told him I was like, No, Mom, I made a commitment to stay. And this is something that I want to do, right? I like who better to leave our sons and daughters in harm's way and make sure they come back. Deny me and my brothers that find out for this. So my class starts out with 1100 cadets right in each class. Uh, of course you know, just the national law of attrition. We ended up with roughly 927 or so, and you would think that out of that whole class and especially when 9 11 happened a lot of them would say, Okay, I quit, You know, like, oh, things. Then I got really, You know, this isn't a games. I'm going home. Knows not my classmates. Not my friends, not my brothers and sisters. We all came together and we stood behind each other and said, You know, this is what we wanted to do. And so I wanted this year my story about two of my very close friends that I met at West Point. Emily Perez and Scott Tape. Scott Case was my roommate from my sophomore year up until we graduated. Seeing that, you know, we really can't go anywhere being that school. You get to know people very well. So 340 days out, the year we were around, each other day in and day out, blood, sweat, tears we went. Ladies of the quit, we motivated each other to finish class, the finish school work and the just press forward and keep moving on. Emily Perez. She was my best female friend at West Point. She was the first highest ranking black female to ever graduate from West Point and she was a track superstar. You know, She she was Ah, little Tasmanian devil. She could run hotel off. And I, of course, you know, I played football when I was, uh, So we all had, you know, a different sports that we play Scotty taste. He played basketball. He ended up moving on to other sports. Scotty, he was Mormon. And so the have, like, you know, such a vast, dynamic relationship where, you know, I grew up in a Pentecostal church and, you know, my roommate and essentially one of my good friends is Mormon. You know, you gotta have a certain level of understanding and love for each other, regardless of your race and religion. And that's what we had now load of that. I know the mission that Scotty was on Scotty was an ordained priest and his religion mean And he was, like, the highest ranking priesthood that you could get in, like the Mormon societies. And I'm not even gonna say you know the exact name because, you know, I don't give it any justice coming from the country. So, you know, you have to forgive me, but it was such an honor to know him. Emily Perales. She came from from the Maryland D C area where you know she was attract Shoot the store. She grew up in the church. She even helped started a nonprofit organization while she was in high school to help out local teams and disadvantage youngsters in the area that he is to this day is still being promoted and still going on. 9 11 happened Boom. Freshman year, Sophomore year. Were training junior year. We're training. We pick our branch right senior year retraining. We pick up posts. I had the opportunity to try out for the NFL my senior year after my senior year, and so once I graduated, I didn't get to go with the rest of my class. I essentially saying that West Point to be a graduate assistant coach to see how you know this football career was gonna turn out. I looked at that opportunity as a win win because the Roman tell you a little country care. Coming from Fayetteville, North Carolina, it's like a 1% chance of ever being able to go play in the NFL, right. So that was one aspect of one dream of mine that I would have loved to accomplish. But overall, when I looked at it. I love the idea of being an officer of being a leader. And so for me, of the win win situations. So what My class graduated. What happened is the branch that you pick. You pick your branch, which determines you know what field you go into in the military. And then, of course, your post. So my two friends, they went on, did their basic training, and in that dance, training for their filled their mos and then got pushed forward into their their Simon's. I stayed a year coach. The football team worked out trained and then I later went on and did all love the basic training, an infantry training and the whole nine. In doing so, I looked back and I realized, like how hard things were in how really close to life and death situations I was going to get, too. If you ever get a chance to go up the West Point, it is magnificent. Beautiful. You have all of these rich historical facts about the U. S. In American history and what we went and, you know, you're just be amazed. I remember talking to a friend, a couple of months ago at the art show, and I was fascinated by the art. But it reminded me of West Point because I was like, I'm a part of a very elite group that makes history that helps right history, baseball and the things and the sacrifices that we do for our country. It just put things in perspective as to what my purpose was, what, my mind, My mission was in life as far as where I wanted to be, where I needed to be and what what my life choices we're going to do. So for me, I didn't want to go into the NFL. I wanted to go into the Army. And so I passed on the NFL and I went on to my duty station. Some unfortunate things happened while I was deployed on while I was in the Army. My two best friends were killed in action. Emily. She was a Medical corps officer. Like I said, the first black female highest ranking feed my latte West Point. She was trying to be a general, and she was on a mission with a medical unit where they were bringing supplies then to a unit that recently been hit and needed supplies. Bad news on the way to the objectives her unit was ambushed and cheese essentially die from a idee within that first year of us graduating from West Point that was rushed. Imagine you spent 45 years training sacrificing. You're used to the sons and daughters in the harm's way, and in that first year you get the ultimate sacrifice, and that's what she did it. So her story, her life, how she affected the people around her while she was here has such a great impact that it's been inspiring me to tell her story for the longest. So that's one of the reasons why Jerome asked me on this car tonight because I wanted to share her story. Now we had to deal with that. I had to take that pain, and it was my turn up for my deployment. And so I had to somehow, some way sugar out how to deal with that hurt deploy, take care of my soldiers, not let my frustrations and anger get the best of me, because I still had to act in a morally and ethically way to ensure that my soldiers, that home safely and that we accomplished the mission right At that time, our mission was to win over the hearts and minds of the civilians to help them take back their country. But it was a a way different war than when it first started, and it was frustrating. But you had to figure out how to deal with it. That's so like this I made to Afghanistan and Iraq, and when I got out, essentially, I was hurting one of my missions. That's when I started working for Shell. Now my roommate, Scottie, pays Scotty pay stayed in Scotty Page. She was. He was a remarkable young man. He went and did his mission before go in the West Point so that him and his brother to go to West Point at the same time and graduate together. So when he graduated, he was a an aviation officer, and he flew Apache helicopters in Mission. And so mine. Second, my well, my first year. My first summer out of the Army is when I received the notice about study pace. Scotty had essentially responded to a call where a unit was under attack and they needed close air support. So If you know anything about war fighting, I kind of break it down. When we make enemy contact and things get real hot and heavy and you get bogged down, you call in close air support, which is like helicopters, small, fixed wing planes that have come in help relieve some of the pressure from what the enemy is putting on you so that you can either extract a bit advanced, move forward. Well, during his response hiss Apache, I hit with an RPG to the tail wings, and essentially, he had to abort his mission and try to get his bird back to base for a crash. Unfortunately, Tim and his co pilot didn't make it. That hurt hurt hard to closest friends. Outside of the people that I played football, this were going and I remember me and my deployments where, in one of the reasons I got hurt, I was going with having to go on back to back deployments. I was already ready to go. I was in the mining set. You get this over with, whatever it was gonna be was gonna be my command because you had to do dwell time. Essentially, I wasn't able to deploy back to back. So I had to wait. So another army buddy of mine, he took the seat. And what ends up happening in that time frame of well, time where I couldn't deploy my army buddy, that took my position. His name is Greg D'Alessio. He was essentially killed in a meeting with the local nationals. So about six months into it, Greg Allessio had probably about follower five months left in the Army before he was going to get out and retire doing my job. So when I looked at it, it was like, Why that that could have been me, right? So for one person gets up to go through so much trauma in such a short period of time, that was life changing. And that's why we're going to get to the topic of today's the talent of a dealing with grease. But whether it be i e in my case, you know, close for his family dying on a lighter note. If you're in school and you're getting bullies, if you're in business and you fail, right, what are some of the challenges of up? Definitely grease. And so you have to look at the negative triggers the charm in your life that you go through the bullion. You gotta understand that you can't expect for people to be nice in this day and age show respect but always being deep appeared friends and family dying or just selling in life or just just being unhappy. Those were all negative things that happen that, you know, that you tend to have to deal with and is one of those things. Well, how do you get out of how do you get out of that song in the opposite? To that is, when things are going, you're going too good, right? You can easily slip into being complacent, being too comfortable and ascension, firing down and sell a couple of things that I wanted to talk about with. This is like the challenges I asked one of my friends, you

Jerome Myers:   19:51

Greg Washington:   19:51
open discussion. Uh, what's what's the biggest challenge right of dealing with grief and one of my friends, he said. If you mourn too long and when he said that you know that hit it's powerful, it's stuck, right, because everybody gets knocked down, you're gonna get knocked down in life or going tohave, ops, nipples. You're gonna have challenges. He's gonna happen. So where it just knocked the wind out of you, right? It's gonna hurt close friends and family. They may die. Everybody's gonna die at some point. And when he said that, you know, like that struck, it made sense because it's not that you need to high from it. It's not that you need to compartmentalize it, put it in the box and put it on the shelf. You have to stay, sit. You have to deal with it. You have to give yourself some time to allow yourself to be emotional, and it is okay to cry. It's okay to be frustrated. It's okay to be angry, nobody's person. And so

Jerome Myers:   20:51

Greg Washington:   20:52
win. Tonight's called. It's A I want this to be motivational in the sense that things to look out for when dealing with with grease, right, because I want you to be successful in whatever you do. If you failed, understand that it's okay. Set a timer rather rich. If it's something small, you felt a project. Someone hurt your feelings said it's time to give yourself, you know, our whatever the case may be try, yell, scream, kick your handsome all you want when that timer's up. Alright, sugar out. What? Your next steps are gonna be in what you're going to do in doing that in trying to be successful, right? Because it Cecil people tend to slip up and fail. I know it's business owners. They say eight out of 10 or nine out of 10 businesses fell within, like the 1st 2 or three years, and so some things to look out for when you know you're you're in business. So when you're dealing with a project of the biggest thing is complacency, and this is one of the things that you know, I tell my son as well. I would like failure. Show your starts out. Not necessarily, in my case, where you know, like stuff hits the fan and it's just all bad. Sometimes tell your starts out as a good time. People get complacent. People get too comfortable with what they're doing. It's like that snowball effect where it slowly starts out as this tiny ball. And then as it picks up momentum and speed, you just spiraled down, and so you know, you have to look at some of the cues in your life as to as to what you're doing. So if you ever find yourself being too complacent, are being too comfortable. You have to give yourself a post checks to see war. Then when it first started and it was frustrating, but you had to figure out how to deal with it. That's so like this. I made it through Afghanistan, and I was the number one thing that will get most people in trouble when it comes to business. You don't want to grow faster than what you can financially operate in the other part to the challenges of dealing with green. So how to overcome it is surrounding yourself with positive people like minded people. So where Jerome has this try called, it's a bunch of of like minded folks, long years. So for us to be able to come together, to share ideas, to lean on each other for resource is for motivation, for direction that does nothing but helps strengthen and push you alone. Your aspirations of being successful always be willing to surround yourself around positive people, and the other aspect of it is you may have to cut off some negative relationships in order for you to stay on that positive path. And I read the last part of this that, you know, I wanted to get to is around one read I fighting your purpose and setting yourself up for success and what to focus on for me when my whole dream goal aspect was, you know, I wanted to be a general in the army. This is everything. This is all I wanted to do. And when I got hurt and got medically discharged, I quickly had to reinvent myself. They say. Okay, well, Greg, you know what do you like? What do you want to do? What you're passionate about. And so you don't get too many chances to Ribhi. Reinvent yourself and actually, you know, take off on a good foot. So being able to minimize, you know the debt you have and to be able to face so that you can make the right moves that you want to make in life. Those are all keen. So don't be afraid to lean on someone that knows finances are that can help you plan for your future that make these kind of moves right you don't want to make him alone. It's always good to seek wise counsel, especially when you're making business. Move right, because And I always thought Rome, if you're in a room full of people and you're the smartest one in the room, then you need to get a new set of friends, right? So you need to surround yourself with people that have been in your shoes that have walked down the path you you're trying to go that can help you be successful without you having to bump your head too many times. And getting there in the last part is what the focus on right now, Money isn't everything. I asked one of my sons, What is money? So he said that I learned in school that money is the root of all evil. I said No, some money isn't the root of all evil money, just like a weapon on the battlefield is the force multiplies. If I got the high tech weapons on the battlefield, then I'm able to do the most damage. So I was explaining to my son I was like money is a force multiplier. If you are a good person with money. That means that you can do a lot greater good for people Now. If you are evil or bad person with money, then guess what you're going to do more evil and bad things towards people. I won't get into examples of those, but just understand that money is a force more supplies. So with that being said, money isn't what you should focus on, it's a multiplier for what you're trying to accomplish. The focus which I found has brought a lot of satisfaction to my life is three things focused on love. Focus on success and focus on happiness. You should look in the mirror and tell yourself I love you more than you should be trying to tell someone else that and I always tell my girls every time you get up in the morning, look in the mirror by you brush your teeth, look yourself in the eye and say, I love you. The other part to it, which is part of you know the golden rule is doing to others as you would want them to do it to you. To be able to show love and have compassion for your fellow man is something that is internally satisfying because not only looking out for yourself, but you're looking out for the people around and you're caring, right? They say, one of the biggest investments in the future. Our kids so focus on Love's focus on success. Success isn't about the endgame. Success is about the journey to get to the end game. So whatever, however, you define your success because my definition of success is way different than Jerome definition of success, which is way different than yours. But however you define your success, it's about the journey of getting there and doing it the right way. There are no easy or there are no shortcuts to being successful. You have to put in the work you have to put in the time you have to do your due diligence in order to be successful. But enjoy the journey in. The last part of this is happiness, happiness, having a peace of mind in the fact that no one that you're a good person, I know that you are making decisions that or not deceiving or not unethical. On more of that, you're doing things the right way. It's a lot of satisfaction in having a peace of mind and happiness. I know a lot of folks that do business, and they do business the wrong way where they scheme and try

Jerome Myers:   28:10

Greg Washington:   28:10
get over on people just because they want to make a cell phone to make that dollars. Those businesses don't tend to last long. If the business is that you do things the right way that take care of the customers where they're now repeat customers. You're getting referrals. You're building a brand building a name for yourself in your business that will essentially disdain itself in the long run. That's kind of been my chip bits for my journey and figuring out this. Jerome put me on this call this week because I just recently walked away from a six figure job. Not everybody can do this. He laughed at me. You can call me crazy. We're not crazy. Call me a while. But it was one of those things where I understood what I want out of life. I understand what I want out of life, and I understand my purpose. And so being in a situation, our job, where it's not so feeling, I wanted to make the right moves so that I can do the things that I wanted to. Now, keep in mind. I'm not saying, you know, go out and go quit your job today, This year if you're not happy there, I'm not saying that what I am saying is, if you're not happy, come up with a plan so that you can make changes to be happy. So we're mean cannabis. I am working on a project right now where I put together a team and we're buying candidates related brands to be vertically integrated and the industry. So we provide everything that a person would need an individual, beginner or even an advanced commercial grower. We provide them with all the pots, tools, sold, nutrients, lighting systems that they would need to grow and in all of the in product. So more so Dylan with DVD brains because, you know, now DVD, of course, is legal in across the US and all the research that is just now coming out about the holistic effect or Helen effecting wellness of using TV D is much more significant than opioids. So I found something that I'm finally passion about. I made a plan for what I wanted to do. Make sure that I had enough reserve money set up so that I could go and execute this plan. I also make sure that I didn't burn bridges when I left that job, just in case. I need to come back to it. But you only have one life to live is essentially what I'm getting to. And this life is so precious, why not go out and do the things that you love and be the best person you can be? Why not do that when so many other people take life for granted right when so many people aren't afforded opportunity, that you have to debris thio walk to be able to create, to turn your dreams into reality? Why not take the chance that being great take a chance on yourself? But of course, doing in a very smart and systematic approach. So I will stop here, and I would like to open the floor up for any questions, any comments, any feedback, thank you guys for allowing me to talk and share my story about my two friends and about my life. And I really appreciate y'all and I appreciate you, Drew. And I hope I'll get to do this more.

Jerome Myers:   31:34
Yeah. I mean, you're gonna be sharing this story on stages around the world, and I'm so excited that we get the hair here first. It makes me sad that this is the first time that I've heard this story, but I suspect this the first time that you've told it to. It is the thing that I've found most people struggle with that where athletes is how to move on. If we dwell in the situation where things didn't go is we planned on the filled, the next place happening. And now two things went wrong that could continue. But in life, people tend to for days, weeks, sometimes months on something that they get like or something that went wrong or somebody didn't do what they said they were gonna do. And I don't know how you cultivate that with how sports, because I don't know where else people get exposed to that. I think a lot of times they might check out and stop expecting or stop hoping. But the ability to take the five seconds, five minutes, five hours, and they fill the pain and then move on. I just don't find most people are doing dealing with it and maybe my time frame. It's just unrealistic, but I just feel like they're not dealing with it effectively. So have you seen or been exposed? Thio things outside of what I've seen, which is just like Tony Robbins and the tribe that comes from his school of thought, people who have been able to deal with those triggers and effectively moved through them and onto the next situation, whatever it may be

Greg Washington:   33:22
for me. And I'm very fortunate with this. My support group has, of course, been my friends and family. What you tend to find a lot of the times is people are dealing with things and they don't know what it is. They can't put a name to it. And so once they come across a message, I want become across the teaching our learning, and you can put a name to it and you can define it what it is, then, essentially, you can learn how to deal with it and get past it. Great. So in my situation for me, itwas my classmates, my football team, so having a network of like minded people like me who raised a hand to serve who went through the same traumatic experience that I did. It's made all the difference in me being able to cope and deal with and move forward and life with dealing with all of the earth.

Jerome Myers:   34:25
So really just executed on the steps. I guess you really liked it out. It's staying surrounded with positive people who can help you move to the next place. I just It makes me sad when I see people just rolling around and whatever made them feel sad are hurt or mad. And I just want to help them move X place at a time like frustrating, right, because they just want to be there. Yeah,

Greg Washington:   34:54
and I Look, I'm a big advocate of seeking professional help because there are dedicated people out here that you have, study, learn and research how to deal with, you know, Greece with depression, with failure for all types of levels. So being able to seek professional help and there's nothing wrong with it, right. And that's a big stigma

Jerome Myers:   35:20
that, you know, we kind

Greg Washington:   35:21
of got to get away from its okay to talk and to seek professional help because you don't know what you don't know. And if you're battling and dealing with things alone, it's not going to do nothing but fester on the inside and get worse. So to be able to get that health and then have it, surround yourself with positive people and then to redefine yourself in your focus in life. Once you get yourself time to more and get over, you know the trauma that you went through. It's an enlightening experience the human body is not made to deal with. With trauma was hurt like this. If we were, then it wouldn't be so bad, right? But what I've known and what I've learned, because I unfortunately had your classmates and friends that committed suicide. Suicide's not dancer, right? It doesn't do anything. It doesn't solve the problem. It's like a disease that spreads on to the next i e. Whether it was your kids are, you know, your loved ones. Now it's them having to deal with you being going deal with, you know, now your depression and anxiety. You're doing nothing but past that old. So you gotta take a full head on approach and say all right, this is This is what I'm dealing with. It hurts like hell. It does. And you have to give yourself that time, too, to go through all those emotions. Get up with vengeance in the

Jerome Myers:   36:48
Passion and the fire. I'm

Greg Washington:   36:49
listening Her someone on the line.

Jerome Myers:   36:51
Yes, it's Ray. How are you? But I want to thank you for telling the story because I've been coming to know you for a little bit over two years. That's the longest I've ever heard. You speak nonstop. It it'll I now see that you're ready to tell the story. And I was glad that you finally said her name. And I can I can still hear the pain of you walking through the story. I just kind of wanted to step in a couple of points from a clinical standpoint. Describing the grief Classic Grief has about five stages. Denial and isolation, anger, bargaining. If I had done this or this would have happened depression and acceptance. Not everyone reaches the acceptance level, and those stages can come in any particular order. What happens is when you find people who are stuck, they don't progress through the stage. Is they get stuck in one stage and and they don't get to the point where they're able to let the situation go at over a period of time is you guys reference earlier. Some of those motivational speakers, like Tony Robbins, always talks about. You know how you train your brain. Well, you can train your brain, of course, to do bad things to go over a period of time. If you get stuck in a stage and you don't move to the next stage, your star potential, you think right. It changes the way you receive information, and it changes the way you behaved towards the information. A quick example of this could be your stuff in a bad relationship too long and you know, you pick up Ah, guy or girl and they feel

Greg Washington:   38:27
like you do. Everybody laughed with them or write

Jerome Myers:   38:28
cheats on, even though you might just get that person. You don't have anything to do with whatever happened to them before. You're the person who ends up with the baggage because that's become their reality. Because of the conversations they had with themselves, the chemical emotions and the release that go on in the brain what they've experienced that level of trauma over and over again. It just reroute how they think about it. And grief is the same way. So it starts to reroute how you think about it. And you kind of get stuck in whatever stage you may be in and again, never getting to the part of acceptance. I'm not understanding that, You know, maybe that person wasn't supposed to be with you for a lifetime. Maybe the purpose that they were to serve, they were able to do it in a smaller amount of time that we hoped and then figuring out. Okay, so what do I do with the part of me? That liver than that cares? Like, how do I preserve the care? When we had a conversation, I don't know that I didn't tell

Greg Washington:   39:30
you about my cousin. Yep. You did. OK, so for those of you, who are you again? I said, what share?

Jerome Myers:   39:37
I'm gonna give the quick version. I'm Chris was a career military guy. He started marines, went to the army, stayed in for his 20 plus years. He was drunk, special forces up in mountains in Afghanistan, doing these +34 man attacks, gets out of the military, comes home. He and I were very close. He was like my brother. He actually moved beside me so that we could be close each other times that Ford. I ended up moving to another part of the city about five minutes away. We had a fallen out and didn't talk for probably over a year. He used to call me when he was on the side of the mountain, having just done some whatever think he had to do. Wouldn't talk about it, but just needed. Yeah. I mean, I get called him little night. He just needed to hear a voice. Somebody that cared about him loved him. Didn't his mom never actually knew what he did. Came home. He didn't know how to deal with civilian life anymore because he had been in the military so long that that's all he knew how to do. He was depressed. We didn't see that. It was as bad as it was. His last mission, I guess, was on himself. He he committed suicide. He laid out his paperwork. Is obituary everything? Actually, this year makes year number 4 April doesn't The data is not a birthday actually would make four years ago that he did this. He had already planned his funeral where it was gonna be. He wrote his eulogy, put his obituary together, put out the clothes that he wanted to know where he just couldn't deal with life outside of the military anymore. He couldn't deal in civilian life And that level of grief and pain I learned it was hidden for us. We knew that he was There was something. But no one knew to the degree that something. Waas and Chris and I were not speaking when he died, I still just I was stubborn and I didn't respond to a message he sent to me that I have to this day. So the pain there is more really in the military, it just pains me that it's so many cases of it and that I don't feel like there's any serious thought to how to undress it for any serious care. So I applaud you like a 1,000,000,000 times over for even opening up to share the story because I just see instances of people just not sharing in allowing things to eat at them to the point where, you know, they just feel overwhelmed with the situation. I think it's important that you continue to tell the story. I like Jerome, Hope to see you held on the big stage. Maybe telling a book, telling on a podcast or video show because I think what you're offering is an opportunity for

Greg Washington:   42:24
them to live the life of this. Yeah, that was one of the things that I did recently learnt over the sand. If you let the memory of someone die, then essentially they die twice. And so, uh, you know, I just had to share. It's like a the desire for you to do that. So appreciate you. All right. Well, to roll, Mama. Put it back in your hands.

Jerome Myers:   42:53
So my story with suicide goes back to eighth grade. Were a classmate of mine from probably first grade on ended up dying. And to this day, I still blame myself. And no, I wasn't there. No, I didn't pull the trigger. No, but I didn't call. I told him I was going to call him. We're gonna go to a football game and I didn't call, and it's given me this need for accountability. and Toby impeccable with my word because I don't want anybody else turn up in a place like that because I felt to do. But I promised I would do. I hope that that trauma for me is being utilized in a positive way, one that makes me a better person. But it still hurts, and it's old. I don't want people to know how old I am, but it's years and years and years old. I don't I don't know how you move past that. I know Ray has a hard time with not responded to that message. That's why she still has it. I know Emily and Scotty are people that you still think about every day, And my one hope for anybody that we come in contact with is that we live our lives in a way that if we disappear tomorrow that people will want to continue to tell our story. Whatever that story is, whatever gift people are given the world, you should touch somebody in a way that they want to continue Whatever you stop. It scared me to death. When I found out you were going to Afghanistan and you're going to Iraq and I know my dad was disappointed when I didn't follow you The West Point, and it's just like I'm scared. I don't want to go somewhere else and get shot at. I'm not that hero. That's I'm not. I'm not getting jumping out of a helicopter. I'm not throwing grenades like that's That's not my game. But we walk with heroes and I know heroes. And Greg, I thank you for your service, like there is nothing in me that would ever could have done the things that you've done, where the things that Chris did, or so many other people have either lost their lives and service or lost their lives after service because of the trauma that comes with service. I'm glad that you walked out last week because it was a defining moment for you. I'm glad that you called me and told me what happened and said, Now what? And let me ask you questions and try to offer resource is to you. I would have been extremely disappointed if I wasn't in that first few calls that you made. I love you, bro, and I don't know what I would do. I appreciate you giving us the exclusive. Oh, it's gonna be a blockbuster on. I just want to ask one last question. And what is the one takeaway if his past hour just got a race and we just had 10 to 20 seconds? What would you want? Somebody that

Greg Washington:   46:19
don't give up on yourself? That that will probably be it. The first thing that comes to mind. You may go through hell in a hand basket, but never give up on yourself and always be running clear to reason with that maybe having many times, it takes for you to get up and get back on your feet. Keep going. Get up. Let that little voice in your head ring out. Go. Get up, Move. And don't make yourself numb is the other part. It's okay. The field. Those That that would be.

Jerome Myers:   46:54
Thank you. Right. Can you close the call out, please? Yes. Um, thank you for everyone who participated in the call this evening. If you can think of someone who would benefit from these types of service is and you would like to let them know about the calls, please do so if you like what you heard tonight please share what we're doing on the calls with your friends. This was a very important call, and I'd like to think I guess of this evening. Gregg, thank you again for opening up and sharing your story. I think this was an ultra important step for those members that are on a swell is yourself. So thank you for what you brought with evening. Have a great week. I get it. You live in Nestor's? What I did, You know. You know what love than night? No.